Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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