hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
