I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
