We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
