and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
