Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
