She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
