i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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