Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
