if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
