when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
