Dual....:-)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
