i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
