his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
