FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
