I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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