Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
