I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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