i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
