My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
