Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
