You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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