Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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