Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
