When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
