Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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