we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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