i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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