the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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