if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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