are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
