He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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