Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
