u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
