at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
