The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I could fuck to npr.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
