dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
