Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
