he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
