Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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