I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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