I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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