glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
