He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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