I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
