I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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