Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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