You really coming over, don't trick.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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