I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My liver just broke up with me...
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
