Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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